Monday, March 5, 2012

Weekends, Communication, Sadness, Summerness, and PEACE

Clearly, it's been too long since my account here made me sign in. And since I can't remember what's been happening since I last updated. And since I can't remember the last time I updated. Once again, sorry.

Weekends. The last couple of weekends have been awesome.

Three Sundays ago, I got to just hang out at a coffee shop and talk with my friend Leily for a while. She worked at the school when I first got here and we really connected. She lived in the States for a few years, so she's fluent. It was really good getting to reconnect with her.

Two weekends ago, I got to hang out with Leily again, this time for a sleepover and all-day hangout on the beach which led to some sunburn from which I am now recovering. That was a lot of fun. We got to go to two different beaches, see a little museum, the outside of the castle that I visited on one of my mission trips here a few years back, and I almost swam into a jellyfish. There were also some parrots at this little sea-side restaurant we visited, which strengthened my desires to get a parrot.

So, yeah. I've been having a lot of fun reconnecting with her, and it's really helped get me out of the house and have a chance to really socialize with people my age, as I also got to meet some of her friends and her boyfriend.

Which brings me to this past weekend. It was rough. I was supposed to do a lot of things that I didn't do. I was supposed to hang out with Leily again, but neither of us had transportation, so that didn't happen. I was supposed to help out and teach Sunday school at the English-speaking church, but with a communication failure, that didn't happen either.

I recently discovered that when I spend large amounts of time alone, I start to feel disconnected. I used to spend a lot of time alone and was fine, but I wasn't really alone because I was with my family or other people all the time, and there was a lot of communication that happened without thinking about it. Now, when I occasionally rehearse what I'm going to say multiple times in my head before saying out loud, it's become more difficult to feel connected, even with the people I'm living with.

Example: On Friday night, Tito and Cesia were watching the Bucket List. I was sort of watching as I cooked and goofed off on my computer. When it got to the part where they're skydiving, Tito and Cesia started talking about it, and seeing as I've done it before, I wanted to share because it's a fun and unique experience. We struggled through a conversation that (translated) went something like this:

Me: I want to do that again.
Cesia: You did that before?
Me: Yes. I did.
Tito: Were you scared? (this was accompanied by hand motions to demonstrate scared.)
Me: Yes, but....

And then I awkwardly sighed as I realized I don't know how to saw "It was fun." Such a simple phrase, but the word for fun is diversion. It's pronounced differently, though, and I haven't tried it out enough to remember how to say it right. I couldn't tell them that it was totally worth it, or about how I was so hyped up on dramamine that I was emotionally flat-lining no matter how much my friends or skydiving instructor tried to get me to react, or that the plane they show in the movie was incredibly spacious compared to how it is in reality.

I had so much that I could have shared, but wasn't able to.

So, it ended up being kind of a lonely weekend for me, and some stupidness on facebook made me cry a little, but that wasn't really anything.

I was reading my Bible this morning, and started to flip to the book where I've been reading, but then decided I needed to read something about peace instead, because that's what I feel like I'm lacking right now: peace. I found this:

Psalm 34:14 Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

Peace isn't something that comes from sitting around and waiting. It comes when we are actively seeking it, and desiring it. I also thought of Jacob here, when he wrestled with God all night for a blessing, and of several of the parables that Jesus told about how we should be banging down God's door with our requests, seeking, asking, and knocking.

Peace doesn't come to those who are idle. It comes to those who are out looking for it and doing good, and asking God for direction. I've done my fair share of asking for direction over the last couple of months as I tried to figure out my summer options, and when the answer didn't just come, I started pursuing paths as I waited to hear God give a clear answer.

I had to sort through some concerns I had about what other people would think about me, but I have accepted a position at Wildwood this summer. So, once I find out for sure when school ends, I can buy my ticket and head to my Michigan home for a couple of months to work at one of my favorite places. I'll try to post another blog soon with more information on my future plan, but I feel like I've gone on quite the journey in this blog already.

So, that's where things are right now. As I start to pursue peace and the One who brings peace, I am getting more of it. Today was more peaceful at school, which had something to do with missing 3 of my kids (2 of which are troublemakers), but also had to do with God's presence giving me the peace that I asked for.


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